My mom and dad divorced when I was 8. Before that, my father lived in another city (where there was work) and we only ever saw him on holidays and weekends. When he did come home, though, he cooked everything and anything and I always looked forward to his meals. For him, cooking was an art form- something to be enjoyed. He made waffles, pancakes, roasted corn soup and could grill anything. I remember him even making liver and tongue once... I remember not wanting to eat it but, in the end, thinking that it really wasn't so bad.
My mom hated to cook. She was also very busy and very miserable because she had to work all day and then come home to three unruly kids. While we were used to my dad not living at home, after the divorce we had to deal with the fact that we would rarely ever get to have dad cook for us. Oh- how we suffered! My mom's idea of homemade was Wyler's Soup Starter with chilcken that was too tough to chew (it was like gum), Campbell's Soup, Tater Tots, hotdogs (on a good day- hotdogs with cheese) and an iceberg lettuce salad. She tried, though. On Sundays she'd make pot roast or cheesy- chicken casserole... some people looked forward to Sunday dinner whereas we did not!
We had to eat, though, and she had to feed us. She was stressed out, lacked time and hated cooking... all these things combined made her a fairly terrible cook. But, in the end, our bellies were full and for this I am truly grateful.
I stay at home with my kids and so things like cooking are just part of my "job". I also love cooking. I never looked at cooking for my kids as merely making something to just fill their bellies- the food I make is comforting and nourishing and also an expression of love. I put my heart into what I cook. While I prepare my meals, I ask God to bless all who will eat the food and I always put 100% of myself into cooking and meal planning. Cooking is just one aspect of my vocation- the vocation of being a mom- and I mean to do it well- always- for my family and for God. Not only does it give me pleasure to please my family but also to do things to the best of my ability in order to please God.
I make a grocery list and shop according to the list- this saves money and means less waste. I try to buy organinc and, if I stick with my list and buy only raw foods, I find that this is entirely possible. I don't buy cookies, boxed foods, etc. and I only buy meat for two meals a week and fish for one. I buy veggies and grains, mainly.
I also like to cook in bulk so that I can freeze left- overs for a busy day or for a day when I just don't feel like cooking. I think about what my kids like, if one of them is sick and what the weather is like.
I have also become good friends with my crock pot, which has been very helpful.
So, as I am smelling dinner cooking in the crock pot, I feel motivated to write a bit about dinner. Maybe someone will read my entries and want a recipe... I don't know. Maybe the sound of what I make will move others to cook and learn to love to cook.
So, tonight I am making: Creamy Hummus Soup, roasted red- skinned potatoes, zucchini and yellow squash with brown rice pilaf, frenched green beans with almonds with a tomato and greens salad (and carrot sticks, of course).
Last night, I made whole- wheat spaetzel with carmelized onions and meat balls, frenched green beans with almonds and a tomato/ mozzerella salad and sweet potato (not with the salad).
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Sewing Modest Clothes for Kids
Ahhh, the circus decending on my blog from the skeptical OB appears to be letting up and I can get back to the real business of this blog.
I learned to sew a few years ago when I could not find decent clothes for my girls to wear; I could not believe how rampant the sexualization of young people had become and, even if the world thought (thinks) it is OK, it is not OK according to sacred scripture and to the Church and it was not OK by me! Aside from the moral justifications, there is the fact that women and girls are people- not objects identified only by the fact that we can give sexual pleasure to men...
So, I got out my grandmother's 1970 Singer Stylist and began trying to sew. I still refer to this machine as "The Beast" because it could sew through ANYTHING and its motor was shot so there was absolutely no way to control the speed. For someone new to sewing, using it was somewhat frightening- it was loud, strong and impossible to control.
At first, I was terrible at sewing. I didn't know what "facings"were and so, at one point, I sewed them on the outside of a garment. I had a hard time figuring bias tape out and had no idea that different fabrics called for using different needles. I also did not know anything about "drape" or that certain fabrics are great for one thing but terrible for others. In short, the things I made- though made with love- were disasters! It was very frustrating.
Now, there are a good many tutorials online that are useful and very helpful.
As a result of my past failures, I have decided to pass on some advice to other moms who sew or are thinking about sewing for their children.
First off, for every- day wear, it is best to get the simplest patterns available. While it is tempting to take advantage of 99 cent pattern sales, I have found that, for the most part, these cheap and very cute patterns sit around and accumulate dust while other, more practical and easy- to- sew patterns are used. Remember, you are sewing an entire wardrobe- or most of the wardrobe- and may have more than one child for whom to sew. Pleats, tucks, ribbons, rick- rack and bows can be added to simple things to make them look more dressy and complex so you are not losing out by investing in patterns that are simple, practical and concise. Think EASY.
Buy patterns that are either multi- sized or buy the same pattern in different sizes for each child; that way you can easily sew the same pattern for different children at the same time. Cut all at once and sew all at once- become a one person assembly line. Sew the bodices at once, the sleeves in at once, etc. This will make things go much quicker.
Another advantage to buying multi- sized patterns is that you can get years of use out of one pattern- this will save time and money; time because you will know how to sew the pattern already and money because you won't have to get a new pattern as the child grows. This leads me to tracing. I buy nylon tracing paper at Jo- Ann (get it while it is on sale or when I have a coupon) in 20- yard increments that way I have plenty on hand at all times. It is sturdy and inexpensive when bought on sale. I trace the size I need thus preserving the pattern for future use. I store each traced size in sandwich bags for future use.
It is really wonderful to buy patterns printed on PAPER. While this may sound trivial, it really does save time and frustration. There is nothing like unfolding delicate tissue paper (and possibly having to iron it to get the kinks out), trying to find the pieces needed and then trying to fold it back up again (without killing it) for future use. This is really no fun and, at times, has caused me to procrastinate when it come to tracing. It is so easy to use paper patterns! Trust me!
When you are making clothes for kids, it is time consuming and so it is nice to be able to extend the wardrobe, so to speak, so that what you make will not get boring and can be made to seem as if you have made much more. Does this make sense? For example, I like to make dresses and aprons for my girls. The dress/ apron combos match and can be combined in many different combinations to make the outfit look new and exciting. I also make sure that everything I make matches so that everything can be combined. The same goes for blouses, vests and skirts (my kids are on a vest kick).
One thing to consider is that kids play. They play in trees and in the dirt and in the kitchen... So, things get dirty. This can be a problem when you make your own clothes and probably don't have three different outfits for each day of the week. Also, if you are like me or your kids are like mine, you don't/ can't use harsh laundry detergents to get out stains. So, in order to protect pretty dresses, I make aprons (smocks or "tool aprons for my boy) to go over them. Aprons are very quick and easy to make and so can be made in a jiffy. You can make five arpons for every one dress. Also, aprons can be made out of ugly or very cheap fabric because, after all, they serve a purpose and that purpose is to take a beating instead of the dress! Old fashion, maybe- but also very practical. Aprons are also good for older girls who are beginning to blossom; an apron or vest helps to retain modesty at a very awkward age.
I buy fabric when it is on sale and at no other time. I have found that, as the price of fabric increases, the quality tends to decrease... this makes me even less likely to pay full price for it. I go to the store with yardages in hand, that way I know what I need and get only that. This also ensures that I will not buy on impulse, which almost never ends well. I make sure I get buttons, zippers, thread, etc, as well because there is nothing much worse than nearly completing something only to find that I am lacking in the deal- closers, so to speak. I also like to have bias tape on hand as this is something that has held me back from finsishing things on several occasions. (You can make your own bias as well but I'll save that for a different post).
So, what patterns can I recommend? For every- day, practical, modest clothing, I recommend Candle on the Hill. Their garments are modest but don't look too Amish (not that there is anything wrong with Amish only I am not Amish). They are not complicated and easy to sew. The directions are concise and easy to understand and I can make up a nice dress in no time at all. Yet the garments are professional looking, neat and MODEST. Their patterns are printed on paper and are generously multi- sized. The company is owned by friendly Christian folk who are willing to answer questions via email. I have never had any reason to complain about their service- it is quick and friendly. I like all of their patterns but one pattern in particular I like is the culottes pattern; it is modest but still allows girls to run and play without being immodest. I highly recommend their patterns.
Friends Patterns is another option but I have found that the directions for sewing their clothes are very confusing and sewing the garments themselves can be frustrating. Also, they offer very few generously multi- sized patterns and sizing can be tricky. On the up- side, they print their patterns on paper and offer a sizable selection of modest clothing patterns.
If you can't sew but want reasonably priced, modest clothing, I recommend The King's Daughters- a company owned by the daughters of the Candle on the Hill folks. They offer a huge selection of ready- sewn, modest clothing at a very reasonable price; you can even send them your own fabric to use.
Sense and Sensibility Patterns offers patterns for beautiful period garments that are also printed on paper. While all of the children's patterns I bought have been modest, I have had to adapt the women's patterns at times to make them more modest. Most of their patterns are fairly easy to sew with some being more difficult than others. The difficulty level of individual patterns is usually described on the site, though. Some of these dresses, while not difficult to sew, take longer to sew than other patterns and thus are not always practical. However, it is always good to have one or two "Church Dresses" or " Party Dresses" and these patterns are just the thing! There are always hints when it comes to making things more dressy and the descriptions provided that describe the dress of the time (Edwardian, Regency, etc) are very interesting and educational. I made my daughter's First Communion dress from a Sense and Sensibility pattern and it was easy to sew and looked lovely. These patterns are also generously multi- sized and the owner is available to answer questions via email. There is a "show and tell" section of the site that is delightful to look at and great for getting ideas. The owner also offers online classes for some of her dresses. One pattern I highly recommend is the "Pinafore and Pantalettes" because it provides modesty in the summer (when girls are climbing trees, etc.) and warmth in the winter.
I learned to sew a few years ago when I could not find decent clothes for my girls to wear; I could not believe how rampant the sexualization of young people had become and, even if the world thought (thinks) it is OK, it is not OK according to sacred scripture and to the Church and it was not OK by me! Aside from the moral justifications, there is the fact that women and girls are people- not objects identified only by the fact that we can give sexual pleasure to men...
So, I got out my grandmother's 1970 Singer Stylist and began trying to sew. I still refer to this machine as "The Beast" because it could sew through ANYTHING and its motor was shot so there was absolutely no way to control the speed. For someone new to sewing, using it was somewhat frightening- it was loud, strong and impossible to control.
At first, I was terrible at sewing. I didn't know what "facings"were and so, at one point, I sewed them on the outside of a garment. I had a hard time figuring bias tape out and had no idea that different fabrics called for using different needles. I also did not know anything about "drape" or that certain fabrics are great for one thing but terrible for others. In short, the things I made- though made with love- were disasters! It was very frustrating.
Now, there are a good many tutorials online that are useful and very helpful.
As a result of my past failures, I have decided to pass on some advice to other moms who sew or are thinking about sewing for their children.
First off, for every- day wear, it is best to get the simplest patterns available. While it is tempting to take advantage of 99 cent pattern sales, I have found that, for the most part, these cheap and very cute patterns sit around and accumulate dust while other, more practical and easy- to- sew patterns are used. Remember, you are sewing an entire wardrobe- or most of the wardrobe- and may have more than one child for whom to sew. Pleats, tucks, ribbons, rick- rack and bows can be added to simple things to make them look more dressy and complex so you are not losing out by investing in patterns that are simple, practical and concise. Think EASY.
Buy patterns that are either multi- sized or buy the same pattern in different sizes for each child; that way you can easily sew the same pattern for different children at the same time. Cut all at once and sew all at once- become a one person assembly line. Sew the bodices at once, the sleeves in at once, etc. This will make things go much quicker.
Another advantage to buying multi- sized patterns is that you can get years of use out of one pattern- this will save time and money; time because you will know how to sew the pattern already and money because you won't have to get a new pattern as the child grows. This leads me to tracing. I buy nylon tracing paper at Jo- Ann (get it while it is on sale or when I have a coupon) in 20- yard increments that way I have plenty on hand at all times. It is sturdy and inexpensive when bought on sale. I trace the size I need thus preserving the pattern for future use. I store each traced size in sandwich bags for future use.
It is really wonderful to buy patterns printed on PAPER. While this may sound trivial, it really does save time and frustration. There is nothing like unfolding delicate tissue paper (and possibly having to iron it to get the kinks out), trying to find the pieces needed and then trying to fold it back up again (without killing it) for future use. This is really no fun and, at times, has caused me to procrastinate when it come to tracing. It is so easy to use paper patterns! Trust me!
When you are making clothes for kids, it is time consuming and so it is nice to be able to extend the wardrobe, so to speak, so that what you make will not get boring and can be made to seem as if you have made much more. Does this make sense? For example, I like to make dresses and aprons for my girls. The dress/ apron combos match and can be combined in many different combinations to make the outfit look new and exciting. I also make sure that everything I make matches so that everything can be combined. The same goes for blouses, vests and skirts (my kids are on a vest kick).
One thing to consider is that kids play. They play in trees and in the dirt and in the kitchen... So, things get dirty. This can be a problem when you make your own clothes and probably don't have three different outfits for each day of the week. Also, if you are like me or your kids are like mine, you don't/ can't use harsh laundry detergents to get out stains. So, in order to protect pretty dresses, I make aprons (smocks or "tool aprons for my boy) to go over them. Aprons are very quick and easy to make and so can be made in a jiffy. You can make five arpons for every one dress. Also, aprons can be made out of ugly or very cheap fabric because, after all, they serve a purpose and that purpose is to take a beating instead of the dress! Old fashion, maybe- but also very practical. Aprons are also good for older girls who are beginning to blossom; an apron or vest helps to retain modesty at a very awkward age.
I buy fabric when it is on sale and at no other time. I have found that, as the price of fabric increases, the quality tends to decrease... this makes me even less likely to pay full price for it. I go to the store with yardages in hand, that way I know what I need and get only that. This also ensures that I will not buy on impulse, which almost never ends well. I make sure I get buttons, zippers, thread, etc, as well because there is nothing much worse than nearly completing something only to find that I am lacking in the deal- closers, so to speak. I also like to have bias tape on hand as this is something that has held me back from finsishing things on several occasions. (You can make your own bias as well but I'll save that for a different post).
So, what patterns can I recommend? For every- day, practical, modest clothing, I recommend Candle on the Hill. Their garments are modest but don't look too Amish (not that there is anything wrong with Amish only I am not Amish). They are not complicated and easy to sew. The directions are concise and easy to understand and I can make up a nice dress in no time at all. Yet the garments are professional looking, neat and MODEST. Their patterns are printed on paper and are generously multi- sized. The company is owned by friendly Christian folk who are willing to answer questions via email. I have never had any reason to complain about their service- it is quick and friendly. I like all of their patterns but one pattern in particular I like is the culottes pattern; it is modest but still allows girls to run and play without being immodest. I highly recommend their patterns.
Friends Patterns is another option but I have found that the directions for sewing their clothes are very confusing and sewing the garments themselves can be frustrating. Also, they offer very few generously multi- sized patterns and sizing can be tricky. On the up- side, they print their patterns on paper and offer a sizable selection of modest clothing patterns.
If you can't sew but want reasonably priced, modest clothing, I recommend The King's Daughters- a company owned by the daughters of the Candle on the Hill folks. They offer a huge selection of ready- sewn, modest clothing at a very reasonable price; you can even send them your own fabric to use.
Sense and Sensibility Patterns offers patterns for beautiful period garments that are also printed on paper. While all of the children's patterns I bought have been modest, I have had to adapt the women's patterns at times to make them more modest. Most of their patterns are fairly easy to sew with some being more difficult than others. The difficulty level of individual patterns is usually described on the site, though. Some of these dresses, while not difficult to sew, take longer to sew than other patterns and thus are not always practical. However, it is always good to have one or two "Church Dresses" or " Party Dresses" and these patterns are just the thing! There are always hints when it comes to making things more dressy and the descriptions provided that describe the dress of the time (Edwardian, Regency, etc) are very interesting and educational. I made my daughter's First Communion dress from a Sense and Sensibility pattern and it was easy to sew and looked lovely. These patterns are also generously multi- sized and the owner is available to answer questions via email. There is a "show and tell" section of the site that is delightful to look at and great for getting ideas. The owner also offers online classes for some of her dresses. One pattern I highly recommend is the "Pinafore and Pantalettes" because it provides modesty in the summer (when girls are climbing trees, etc.) and warmth in the winter.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Flutters and Fear
Should I buy fabric for a baptismal gown? Should I put away fabric for a layette? As usual, the coming of Fall and coold weather has caught me off guard... my "front room" floor is clovered with fabric- all measured and folded- ready to be made into dresses for the girls and pants, shirts for the boy and vests for all three (for some reason, they all want vests).
In with the Winter fabric was some "baby" fabrics. This got me thinking. Amidst the flutters that reasssure me that there is life there, I still can't let myself believe that I will have a live baby to care for and dress. I almost ordered a pattern for a nursing shawl but, why bother?
After my last baby died, I woke up at home after living at the hospital for four weeks. Baby clothes were folded- ready for a baby who had died. The bassinet was ready for a baby that would never use it. The sling hung baby- ready and empty. No baby.
I remember wondering "what the heck happened?" We knew nothing. She was getting better. She was breathing on her own, responding to us, waking up. She wasn't supposed to die. We were in shock. I sat there beside her every day, talking to her, bathing her, clothing her, singing to her, reading to her, praying next to her and it made no difference. I fought with my entire being to save her- to argue on her behalf when everyone thought it was hopeless. I told everyone that only God knows when it is her time; we can't make that decision. I was happy to comply with God but not the NICU staff. They were not motivated by fact, figure, science or reason. I was a mother and I was a believer- I had my fact; the fact that God exists and only He can take anyone to Him.
We told the NICU staff that she had an infection. They didn't believe us until it was too late to save her. So, I sat by her when she was at her worst, then she got better and then she got bad again and I was there to see it all.
I don't want to go through that again. That was my second time in the NICU and I don't want to do it again. I know that there is no way to prevent this, I just have to trust in God but I have done this before and look where it got me!
As the baby moves more and more and it become more real to me that this is happening, I become more terrified. Praying won't ensure a good outcome... Nothing will. It is so painful to know that this baby may not live. It may die at any time.
I don't think I could live through another NICU stay. I don't think I could live with the death of another baby.
I think that, if I begin making things or making plans, I will be jumping ahead of myself and somehow I will be punished.
Fear is a terrible thing and it signifies a real mistrust in God. I am so sorry to feel this way...
In with the Winter fabric was some "baby" fabrics. This got me thinking. Amidst the flutters that reasssure me that there is life there, I still can't let myself believe that I will have a live baby to care for and dress. I almost ordered a pattern for a nursing shawl but, why bother?
After my last baby died, I woke up at home after living at the hospital for four weeks. Baby clothes were folded- ready for a baby who had died. The bassinet was ready for a baby that would never use it. The sling hung baby- ready and empty. No baby.
I remember wondering "what the heck happened?" We knew nothing. She was getting better. She was breathing on her own, responding to us, waking up. She wasn't supposed to die. We were in shock. I sat there beside her every day, talking to her, bathing her, clothing her, singing to her, reading to her, praying next to her and it made no difference. I fought with my entire being to save her- to argue on her behalf when everyone thought it was hopeless. I told everyone that only God knows when it is her time; we can't make that decision. I was happy to comply with God but not the NICU staff. They were not motivated by fact, figure, science or reason. I was a mother and I was a believer- I had my fact; the fact that God exists and only He can take anyone to Him.
We told the NICU staff that she had an infection. They didn't believe us until it was too late to save her. So, I sat by her when she was at her worst, then she got better and then she got bad again and I was there to see it all.
I don't want to go through that again. That was my second time in the NICU and I don't want to do it again. I know that there is no way to prevent this, I just have to trust in God but I have done this before and look where it got me!
As the baby moves more and more and it become more real to me that this is happening, I become more terrified. Praying won't ensure a good outcome... Nothing will. It is so painful to know that this baby may not live. It may die at any time.
I don't think I could live through another NICU stay. I don't think I could live with the death of another baby.
I think that, if I begin making things or making plans, I will be jumping ahead of myself and somehow I will be punished.
Fear is a terrible thing and it signifies a real mistrust in God. I am so sorry to feel this way...
Friday, October 5, 2012
First Friday
Happy First Friday!
I am so glad that we- as Caholics- have the Sacred Heart. I know that the Sacred Heart belongs to everyone but most people from other religions probably think the Sacred Heart is a little odd...
I can remember being in first grade and looking at the Sacred Heart picture which happened to be in front of my desk. I really didn't understand the meaning behind it but I really liked it. Jesus looked so lovely and He always made me feel so warm when I looked at His gentle smile. It was a cheerful yet reverant picture- with soft light eminating from the heart of Jesus into the darkness surrounding Him. I remember looking at the picture and really loving Him- really wanting to know Him.
I always associated the Sacred Heart with that school and those nuns- who were mostly Irish. At my second grade school, there was no Sacred Heart and no nuns. I never saw another Sacred Heart picture again until I visited my family in Ireland.
There, everyone had the Sacred Heart- it was everywhere. I could not get away from it! - Not that I wanted to. It was amazing how- even after all those years and lots of straying- I felt such a love for Jesus while looking at His Sacred Heart and I felt that He, too loved me. Still, I was ignorant of the meaning behind it all.
What I really liked in Ireland were the Sacred Heart pictures with the little lights attached to them. These little fake candles added something very interesting to it all. I have since looked for something like this in the US but haven't been able to find it.
Life went on, day after day in Ireland with the light from the Sacred Heart flickering over me- it was always there- that orange light of the Sacred Heart.
In any case, my brain now always connects Ireland to the Sacred Heart- replacing the connection betwen it and nuns.
When I grew up a bit, I learned about the Sacred Heart and it made sense that I always felt love when I looked at it and always felt loved. Now, the more I love Jesus, the more my love grows... if that makes any sense. It's like, it just multiplies and seems to feel more massive as I allow myself to feel it. Sometimes it is even alarming...
The real beauty of the Sacred Heart is that it really belongs to everyone- even people who don't believe, refuse to believe or have never had the opportunity to believe. The love of Jesus- the burning love so wonderfully expressed by the Sacred Heart- belongs to everyone and it is unconditional. What a beautiful thing!
I am so glad that we- as Caholics- have the Sacred Heart. I know that the Sacred Heart belongs to everyone but most people from other religions probably think the Sacred Heart is a little odd...
I can remember being in first grade and looking at the Sacred Heart picture which happened to be in front of my desk. I really didn't understand the meaning behind it but I really liked it. Jesus looked so lovely and He always made me feel so warm when I looked at His gentle smile. It was a cheerful yet reverant picture- with soft light eminating from the heart of Jesus into the darkness surrounding Him. I remember looking at the picture and really loving Him- really wanting to know Him.
I always associated the Sacred Heart with that school and those nuns- who were mostly Irish. At my second grade school, there was no Sacred Heart and no nuns. I never saw another Sacred Heart picture again until I visited my family in Ireland.
There, everyone had the Sacred Heart- it was everywhere. I could not get away from it! - Not that I wanted to. It was amazing how- even after all those years and lots of straying- I felt such a love for Jesus while looking at His Sacred Heart and I felt that He, too loved me. Still, I was ignorant of the meaning behind it all.
What I really liked in Ireland were the Sacred Heart pictures with the little lights attached to them. These little fake candles added something very interesting to it all. I have since looked for something like this in the US but haven't been able to find it.
Life went on, day after day in Ireland with the light from the Sacred Heart flickering over me- it was always there- that orange light of the Sacred Heart.
In any case, my brain now always connects Ireland to the Sacred Heart- replacing the connection betwen it and nuns.
When I grew up a bit, I learned about the Sacred Heart and it made sense that I always felt love when I looked at it and always felt loved. Now, the more I love Jesus, the more my love grows... if that makes any sense. It's like, it just multiplies and seems to feel more massive as I allow myself to feel it. Sometimes it is even alarming...
The real beauty of the Sacred Heart is that it really belongs to everyone- even people who don't believe, refuse to believe or have never had the opportunity to believe. The love of Jesus- the burning love so wonderfully expressed by the Sacred Heart- belongs to everyone and it is unconditional. What a beautiful thing!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
News and Flutters
It has been an odd 24 hours...
I have since calmed down quite a bit and hope to actually sleep tonight.
I am still a little upset about the Dr. Amy thing and still can't believe the way she goes about things; it is just wrong! I feel so bad for any parent who has been abused by her and for any baby whose memory was profaned by her.
It goes beyond Barbara; it goes beyond my husband and me. What is going on is unjust and cruel and I believe I would not be a good mother and Catholic if I did not do something about it. However, this blog is not meant to be about home birth or Dr. Amy. So, I have decided to start another blog in which Dr. Amy and other nonsense will be discussed. I hope to have this blog up and running either tomorrow or Saturday.
For a while, now, I have felt little flutters that I thought were indicative of baby movement. Tonight I finally felt what I know to be movement. What a wonderful feeling! How wonderful is God!
I have since calmed down quite a bit and hope to actually sleep tonight.
I am still a little upset about the Dr. Amy thing and still can't believe the way she goes about things; it is just wrong! I feel so bad for any parent who has been abused by her and for any baby whose memory was profaned by her.
It goes beyond Barbara; it goes beyond my husband and me. What is going on is unjust and cruel and I believe I would not be a good mother and Catholic if I did not do something about it. However, this blog is not meant to be about home birth or Dr. Amy. So, I have decided to start another blog in which Dr. Amy and other nonsense will be discussed. I hope to have this blog up and running either tomorrow or Saturday.
For a while, now, I have felt little flutters that I thought were indicative of baby movement. Tonight I finally felt what I know to be movement. What a wonderful feeling! How wonderful is God!
Bearing False Witness
BEARING FALSE WITNESS
CCC= Catechism of the Catholic Church
Recently, I found myself in a position where someone took a very personal and painful situation and twisted it in order to be used to their advantage (publicly).
I used to think that “false witness” meant only lying about people however, it actually means much more than this (CCC 2464- 2470).
Now, in my case, someone bore false witness against me in the simplest of terms: she outright lied about me and purposely left out the majority of story while extracting from it just enough to further her cause.
The thing is, not only was this morally wrong, but also incredibly painful because she was lying about the death of my child and actually posted the lie on the anniversary of my daughter’s death.
What does the Church have to say about lying? Well, by definition “a lie consists in speaking a falsehood with the intention of deceiving” and “to lie is to speak or act against truth in order to lead someone into error” (CCC 2482). Also, while a lie in itself is only a venial sin, “it becomes [a] mortal [sin] when it does grave injury to the virtues of justice and charity” (CCC 2484).
The CCC tells us: “the Lord denounces lying as the work of the devil” (CCC 2482). Lying is to “be condemned” and is a “profanation of speech” (CCC 2484). Even worse, the CCC maintains:
“a lie does real violence to another; it affects his ability to know, which is a condition of every judgment decision. It contains the seeds of discord and all consequent evils. Lying is destructive of society; it undermines trust among men and tears apart the fabric of social relationships” (CCC 2486).
Furthermore, deliberately leading another astray by way of lying “constitutes a failure in justice and charity” (CCC 2485.
Now, I know that people believe that it is unreasonable and unfair of me (or other practicing Catholics) to expect others adhere to one of the oldest and most basic of moral laws, but I can’t help but expect at least some degree of fairness, truth and justice from competent people.
In the end, regardless of what a person does or does not believe- a lie is a lie and lying is wrong.
So, someone has lied about me and the death of my child…
The dilemma is (after the sobbing stops): how does a Catholic handle this without also bearing false witness?
Wrought with emotion, and only being a lowly human, my first thought was how to get her back (wrong!). Now, even though I felt flushed with anger and then grief, I decided to calmly defend myself and the honor of my child. I wrote a respectful and honest email to my offender.
Looking back, this was a mistake. Jesus tells us to, first, handle things privately and then, if the matter is not resolved, it can be dealt with publicly. Also, I was motivated by anger, pain and ego and nothing too good ever comes from this sort of motivation.
In any case, I tried to remedy the situation- to no avail.
So- how to proceed… how does a Catholic proceed in such matters? First off- prayerfully and mindfully and with love.
Love is hard to muster up when all one thinks she can feel is something fairly close to hate.
How can I honestly address this situation without being uncharitable, unfair and mean? What more do I have to know about false witness in order to avoid committing it?
MORE KINDS OF FALSE WITNESS
The CCC tells us that we always must respect the reputation of others and “forbids any attitude and word likely to… cause unjust injury” (CCC 2477)
One must also take care not to practice rash judgment on the “moral fault of a neighbor… without sufficient foundation” even if one assumes that the fault is true (CCC 2477). Rash judgment can be avoided by truly attempting to understand the meaning behind one’s words so as not to misunderstand and/ or misinterpret what is said. It means applying the principle of charity to the arguments and opinions of others rather than rashly assuming that someone is out to harm us or our reputation (CCC 2478).
Moreover, one must take care so as not be to guilty of detraction- meaning exposing the failings and faults of another to strangers without an “objectively valid reason” (CCC 2477).
Lastly, one must not be guilty of calumny by way of telling lies about someone and thus ruining their reputation and creating a situation where “false judgments” can be made about the victim in question (CCC 2477).
Both “detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor” and, being that honor is “the social witness given to human dignity“, detraction and calumny “offend against the virtues of justice and charity“(CCC 2480). What does this mean? In short, knowingly exposing the faults of others without sufficient justification and telling lies that ruin the reputation and honor of another human being is both unjust and uncharitable.
So, first off, as Catholics, we must be careful not to lie. Second, we must always take care to watch what we say (or write). We must not purposely set out to ruin the reputation of another by lying or even telling what we may believe is the truth. We must not expose the faults of others without sufficient cause and we must always extend the benefit of doubt to others.
Another thing to consider is the question of evil. Evil can bring forth evil. If to lie is evil then to defend one’s self in a disrespectful or sinful way is also evil. The work of the devil is everywhere and one can see his work by the misery, discord and pain it brings. As Catholics, we must not fall pray to evil and be seduced by it, thus doing more evil. We must ask Jesus, His Blessed Mother and St. Michael for help in defeating evil.
This is how Catholics deal with false witness. We don’t have to lie back and take it; we can defend ourselves with prayer, love, patience, caution, justice, charity and the truth.
CCC= Catechism of the Catholic Church
Recently, I found myself in a position where someone took a very personal and painful situation and twisted it in order to be used to their advantage (publicly).
I used to think that “false witness” meant only lying about people however, it actually means much more than this (CCC 2464- 2470).
Now, in my case, someone bore false witness against me in the simplest of terms: she outright lied about me and purposely left out the majority of story while extracting from it just enough to further her cause.
The thing is, not only was this morally wrong, but also incredibly painful because she was lying about the death of my child and actually posted the lie on the anniversary of my daughter’s death.
What does the Church have to say about lying? Well, by definition “a lie consists in speaking a falsehood with the intention of deceiving” and “to lie is to speak or act against truth in order to lead someone into error” (CCC 2482). Also, while a lie in itself is only a venial sin, “it becomes [a] mortal [sin] when it does grave injury to the virtues of justice and charity” (CCC 2484).
The CCC tells us: “the Lord denounces lying as the work of the devil” (CCC 2482). Lying is to “be condemned” and is a “profanation of speech” (CCC 2484). Even worse, the CCC maintains:
“a lie does real violence to another; it affects his ability to know, which is a condition of every judgment decision. It contains the seeds of discord and all consequent evils. Lying is destructive of society; it undermines trust among men and tears apart the fabric of social relationships” (CCC 2486).
Furthermore, deliberately leading another astray by way of lying “constitutes a failure in justice and charity” (CCC 2485.
Now, I know that people believe that it is unreasonable and unfair of me (or other practicing Catholics) to expect others adhere to one of the oldest and most basic of moral laws, but I can’t help but expect at least some degree of fairness, truth and justice from competent people.
In the end, regardless of what a person does or does not believe- a lie is a lie and lying is wrong.
So, someone has lied about me and the death of my child…
The dilemma is (after the sobbing stops): how does a Catholic handle this without also bearing false witness?
Wrought with emotion, and only being a lowly human, my first thought was how to get her back (wrong!). Now, even though I felt flushed with anger and then grief, I decided to calmly defend myself and the honor of my child. I wrote a respectful and honest email to my offender.
Looking back, this was a mistake. Jesus tells us to, first, handle things privately and then, if the matter is not resolved, it can be dealt with publicly. Also, I was motivated by anger, pain and ego and nothing too good ever comes from this sort of motivation.
In any case, I tried to remedy the situation- to no avail.
So- how to proceed… how does a Catholic proceed in such matters? First off- prayerfully and mindfully and with love.
Love is hard to muster up when all one thinks she can feel is something fairly close to hate.
How can I honestly address this situation without being uncharitable, unfair and mean? What more do I have to know about false witness in order to avoid committing it?
MORE KINDS OF FALSE WITNESS
The CCC tells us that we always must respect the reputation of others and “forbids any attitude and word likely to… cause unjust injury” (CCC 2477)
One must also take care not to practice rash judgment on the “moral fault of a neighbor… without sufficient foundation” even if one assumes that the fault is true (CCC 2477). Rash judgment can be avoided by truly attempting to understand the meaning behind one’s words so as not to misunderstand and/ or misinterpret what is said. It means applying the principle of charity to the arguments and opinions of others rather than rashly assuming that someone is out to harm us or our reputation (CCC 2478).
Moreover, one must take care so as not be to guilty of detraction- meaning exposing the failings and faults of another to strangers without an “objectively valid reason” (CCC 2477).
Lastly, one must not be guilty of calumny by way of telling lies about someone and thus ruining their reputation and creating a situation where “false judgments” can be made about the victim in question (CCC 2477).
Both “detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor” and, being that honor is “the social witness given to human dignity“, detraction and calumny “offend against the virtues of justice and charity“(CCC 2480). What does this mean? In short, knowingly exposing the faults of others without sufficient justification and telling lies that ruin the reputation and honor of another human being is both unjust and uncharitable.
So, first off, as Catholics, we must be careful not to lie. Second, we must always take care to watch what we say (or write). We must not purposely set out to ruin the reputation of another by lying or even telling what we may believe is the truth. We must not expose the faults of others without sufficient cause and we must always extend the benefit of doubt to others.
Another thing to consider is the question of evil. Evil can bring forth evil. If to lie is evil then to defend one’s self in a disrespectful or sinful way is also evil. The work of the devil is everywhere and one can see his work by the misery, discord and pain it brings. As Catholics, we must not fall pray to evil and be seduced by it, thus doing more evil. We must ask Jesus, His Blessed Mother and St. Michael for help in defeating evil.
This is how Catholics deal with false witness. We don’t have to lie back and take it; we can defend ourselves with prayer, love, patience, caution, justice, charity and the truth.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Correction
I must correct something I said earlier; I mentioned home birth in another post called "A Time to Be Born". Perhaps this is the post Dr. Amy has read? I noticed a good deal of traffic on this post and the one after it. I might have mentioned it in a few other posts.
I also realized, when I actually looked at my blog (which I never do because I just post and then get off line) that I mention home birth in the description of the blog. I designed this blog a long time ago and forgot I had written that. So, when I am wrong, I say I'm wrong. I will change this... I don't want my ideas about birth to be the focus of this blog... This was never my intent!
Hmm. I wonder if anyone will bother to read my defense or if Dr. Amy has been successful in exlpoiting the death of my child? I feel sick. I am pretty sure I am going to delete this blog. It isn't worth it to keep it up knowing what it is being used for. I will give my defense a few days to be read and then the whole blog may be gone.
So much for a safe place.
Oh, and she quoted from "Blame". And also (wrongly) came up with cause of death which was NOT GBS sepsis but instead blood infection resulting from NICU negligence and congenital hypothyroidism which most likely caused the heart and kidney issue. I read the post; while it was kinder to me than I had supposed, it was still distressing to read. My prenatal records and my daughter's NICU records were recently reviewed by two docs and neither of their opinions are in agreement with Dr. Amy, who has not seen these records but thought she had the right to diagnose my child and blame me, anyway.
It is bad enough to make a grieving parent feel worse but to cause such great distress to a grieving, pregnant mother is something else entirely; and any OB should know that! Stress isn't good for moms and their babies!
God forgive me if I have been cruel; I do not mean to be.
I can't sleep; I am so distressed. I think I'll go have a good cry. I also think I won't let Dr. Amy ruin this. I already deleted a few posts- which I now regret... I will, however, delete the posts that can- in any way- be used and exploited by Dr. Amy... Which is a terrible shame; I found the honesty refreshing- but not at such a cost... I can feel a huge blob in my throat which means that I will have to cry before I explode. I wish that no one ever had to feel this way... I would gladly feel so bad if it meant that others would be spared feeling this bad... No parent should have to deal with the blame of others on top of the blame she already places on herself. No pregnant mom should have to sob hysterically because of something like this.
Oh- Jesus was so right about the world! I will say a rosary for every parent hurt by Dr. Amy and I will pray that she can begin to see the harm she does so that she can begin to help instead!
I also realized, when I actually looked at my blog (which I never do because I just post and then get off line) that I mention home birth in the description of the blog. I designed this blog a long time ago and forgot I had written that. So, when I am wrong, I say I'm wrong. I will change this... I don't want my ideas about birth to be the focus of this blog... This was never my intent!
Hmm. I wonder if anyone will bother to read my defense or if Dr. Amy has been successful in exlpoiting the death of my child? I feel sick. I am pretty sure I am going to delete this blog. It isn't worth it to keep it up knowing what it is being used for. I will give my defense a few days to be read and then the whole blog may be gone.
So much for a safe place.
Oh, and she quoted from "Blame". And also (wrongly) came up with cause of death which was NOT GBS sepsis but instead blood infection resulting from NICU negligence and congenital hypothyroidism which most likely caused the heart and kidney issue. I read the post; while it was kinder to me than I had supposed, it was still distressing to read. My prenatal records and my daughter's NICU records were recently reviewed by two docs and neither of their opinions are in agreement with Dr. Amy, who has not seen these records but thought she had the right to diagnose my child and blame me, anyway.
It is bad enough to make a grieving parent feel worse but to cause such great distress to a grieving, pregnant mother is something else entirely; and any OB should know that! Stress isn't good for moms and their babies!
God forgive me if I have been cruel; I do not mean to be.
I can't sleep; I am so distressed. I think I'll go have a good cry. I also think I won't let Dr. Amy ruin this. I already deleted a few posts- which I now regret... I will, however, delete the posts that can- in any way- be used and exploited by Dr. Amy... Which is a terrible shame; I found the honesty refreshing- but not at such a cost... I can feel a huge blob in my throat which means that I will have to cry before I explode. I wish that no one ever had to feel this way... I would gladly feel so bad if it meant that others would be spared feeling this bad... No parent should have to deal with the blame of others on top of the blame she already places on herself. No pregnant mom should have to sob hysterically because of something like this.
Oh- Jesus was so right about the world! I will say a rosary for every parent hurt by Dr. Amy and I will pray that she can begin to see the harm she does so that she can begin to help instead!
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