Moral Dilemma

I have to apologize for any spacing/ format issues... I can't figure out how and if I can make things look better and easier to read. Believe it or not, I did learn basic grammar in grade school and so I am aware that there are format issues... I apologize and will be working on trying to make things better! I also want to thank anyone who stops by and reads my blog. I hope that my writings are helpful to people and are not too dull! May God bless everyone who views this blog! So, now I am facing a moral dilemma. The thing is that I most often end up doing the right thing even though I struggle terribly before finally giving in to doing what is right despite how it might affect me. Whenever I struggle with making a moral decision my husband just laughs at me because he knows that i will usually do the right thing, anyhow. I also often end up being walked all over because I have a hard time setting healthy boundaries and thinking about my own comfort after that of others. But this is different. After losing Barbara everything is different. Everything I used to know is now unknown and many relationships have been called into question. When my baby was in the NICU, my sister never visited or called. While at the cemetery, she loudly bragged about how she had just found out that she would be having a baby girl while my baby girl was in a casket waiting to be put in the ground. She also did not bother to call me at all until my mother asked her to three months after losing Barbara. When her baby was born, she named her the same name that is Barbara's middle name without bothering to even mention it to me first. Now, it isn't like she had her baby years after Barbara's death; her baby was born only 3 1/3 months after Barbara died. She still has yet to call me of her own volition. Jesus commands us to forgive- that is very plain and simple. If we don't forgive then we will not be forgiven... also, anything that we hold on to only makes us sick (ie. emotional baggage) because it festers and, eventually something small can turn into an all- out hate- fest. So, there are moral and practical reasons for forgiveness. Forgiving is the easy part for me; forgetting is hard. Normally, I would just let time heal (and Jesus) this wound but, because our oldest child is going to be making her First Holy Communion soon, so time is not in abundance... My first impulse is to not invite her or anyone from my family who never bothered to call after Barbara died (99% of my family!). I want to just say "screw you!" to them all. This is very un- Christlike and I know this. I feel like even allowing myself to entertain the idea of doing this is terrible! Truly it is, in fact, a sin. One can sin through thought. The thing is that I have been very hurt by my sister and, although I can forgive her, there is no excuse for her behavior over the past 8 months. She has behaved in a selfish and very insensitive way and it will take a while before I can look at her without feeling lots of negative emotions. Even though I have forgiven her, the feelings won't go away. If I invite her, I will have to see her (obviously) and will feel things that will cause me pain. I will also have to look at her baby- who shares the name of my dead one and would now be just a few months older than Barbara and be reminded... I want to enjoy my daughter's First Communion. I don't want to feel upset because this is a happy day and it would not be fair to her if I were upset. I also know that I will be stressed out before the event if I know that my sister will be there. On the other hand, my daughter deserves to have her aunt there and the issues between adults should never be allowed to affect children. My husband does not want her there AT ALL. So, this is a dilemma. I wonder if anyone out there can relate to what I am going through or can offer some good advice? Maybe I just need to hear someone tell me to stop being so selfish and do what Jesus would do?