More on Infertility and D&C Advice

I realize that infertility has nothing to do with mourning over the loss of a child- normally- but, in my case, the two are very much connected. Before I had Barbara, infertility was never an issue. My husband and I never had to "try" to have children; we were just blessed without much planning and praying. However, it has been 6 months of planning, charting and praying and nothing has happened yet. Today I just found out that I am not pregnant- again. 48 hours after I had Barbara, I needed a D&C for retained placental fragments. I had no idea what the consequences (however rare) of this procedure might be. I was totally unaware that D&Cs- especially postpartum- can cause adhesions which can lead to infertility (Ashermans Syndrome). No one told me this. I simply had the procedure and was sent on my way. At the time, I was too stressed out to even ask about possible consequences because my baby was dying in the NICU. Normally, I would have tons of questions and concerns but I could only think about getting it done and over with so that I could be with my baby. I was terrified that she would die while I was getting the D&C... So, I was just not present intellectually or emotionally. I was not told that nursing would increase the risk of infertility and I was not offered an estrogen shot to reduce the chance of adhesions forming. I was not even told that this could impact my fertility. I know that I consented to medical treatment on my "informed consent" form but I had not- in any way, shape or form- been informed. It has been a hard 9 (almost 10) months for me... First my baby was ill and in the NICU and then she died. Now I can't seem to conceive. I wonder why God would do this to me. It has become very hard for me to leave the house sometimes because there seems to be pregnant women everywhere. We have tons who attend the TLM and, every Sunday; I have to see them and hear them brag and talk loudly about their pregnancies. While I am happy for them, I just want to curl up in a ball and sob after Mass. I can't, though, because we always go to the cemetery after Mass. That makes it worse because I am already upset that everyone seems to be getting pregnant except for me and then I have to deal with my dead child on top of it. I just sit there and look at the place where grass is now starting to grow and I just ask "why?" I see other women with their babies and I just don't get it. Now, I can't have any more. Sometimes I don't want to go to Mass because it just hurts too much. I know that we are supposed to take up our crosses and follow Jesus but sometimes it feels like I have too many crosses to take up and I am running out of strength and sometimes even faith. I try to offer up my suffering but that doesn't change the fact that I suffer. I have stopped talking with anyone about this because I only feel hurt or angry with the responses. Some people say that I am just old. Other people tell me that God knows what is best. A few tell me that it will just take time. I especially am sick of hearing about how God knows what's best... It seems like God hasn't known what is best for me for some time! I just want to hear someone say "That really sucks!" Anyhow, I want to let women know that a D&C is not always the way to go. For early miscarriages, a drug can be administered which carries much less risk of infertility or you can just wait it out- often the pregnancy ends and nature takes over. You could also call a professional herbalist as well for advice. Getting a D&C can be very traumatic and who needs more drama after losing a baby? If a D&C is absolutely necessary, an estrogen shot can be administered in order to help the uterus heal properly. For postpartum D&Cs, be aware that nursing can increase the risk of scar tissue forming because nursing causes a decrease in estrogen which impairs the uteruses ability to properly heal. I don't think that an estrogen shot can be given to a nursing mom because it may dry up the milk supply and/ or contaminate the milk and get into the baby's blood stream. Bear in mind that a postpartum D&C carries with it the highest risk of infertility and, for every uterine surgery (ie. C- section) the risk is multiplied. If a postpartum D&C is suggested, ask about alternatives or what can be done to lesson your risk of infertility. My situation is ironic in that I pumped for my baby in hopes that my milk would help to heal her but it made no difference. At the same time, pumping may have increased my infertility risk factor even more... Still, if I had it to do all over again, I would do the same thing. The good news is that women can be evaluated for scar tissue formation and, depending on how severe it is, laser surgery can be done to treat it. This may not work for everyone and there is always a risk that the adhesions may reform but, for some people, it is better than doing nothing. There are also enzyme supplements that can be taken that cut down on inflammation which could lesson the risk of adhesions being formed. Vitalzym and Wobenzym are two name- brand choices. Castor oil packs and fertility massage have also been considered helpful. I believe that women can be treated very poorly by OB/GYNs and by doctors in general. I believe that women are rarely informed of the possible consequences and side effects of certain treatments and procedures and that the whole person of a woman is rarely looked at. It is all about symptoms and alleviating the symptoms as soon as possible rather that dealing with the bigger picture. The sad thing is that most of us feel very intimidated by doctors and, especially at the office of an OB/GYN, we are put in a very vulnerable and often demeaning situation. It is hard to feel confident and effective while sitting in a paper gown or laying with our feet in stirrups. In this position, we definitely feel as though we are not in charge! But the thing is that we are. We are in charge of our bodies and what is done to them. I encourage all of you (women) out there to educate yourselves about your bodies so that you can advocate for yourself when necessary. I encourage you to research common treatments, diagnoses and procedures so that you have an understanding of what is being said and can voice your own opinions and concerns. I encourage you to decline anything that you may feel is unnecessary or potentially dangerous or postpone something until you have sufficiently researched it and/ or have gotten a second opinion. I encourage the use of herbs under the guidance of a trained, professional herbalist and the use of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) as long as pagan or non- Christian ideology are not a part of the treatment. I also encourage women to seek out either Naturopathic Practitioners and/ or Naturopathic Physicians to compliment any modern medical treatments. I would also suggest learning basic medical terminology and using correct medical terms for anatomical parts; this suggests that you are (or would like to be treated as though you are) on an even playing field with your doctor. Finally, expect to be treated as a child of God rather than a machine or a liability. Expect respect and expect to be treated as a partner in your own health care. If your doctor treats you poorly (cuts you off, won't listen to you, won't take you seriously, etc.) find a new one. I would also encourage you to bring someone with you as an advocate and as a third party- preferably someone who knows a little bit about medicine or your medical condition or concerns. Fertility is nothing to treat lightly. It is something that we don't think about when we are fertile but feel terrible about when we are infertile. No one can understand what it feels like to be infertile unless they have dealt with it themselves just like no one knows what it is like to lose a baby unless they have lost one themselves. I feel very alone as a Catholic woman with infertility issues... I feel very isolated and lonely. I wonder when God will think that enough is enough. I pray for a baby. But I know- better than a lot of people- that praying isn't getting. I try to be His handmaid even when what He wants for me differs from what I want for myself. This is really hard! Doing His will with a joyful heart is not easy! It is very hard to believe that God loves me... I sometimes think that He really must hate me! I feel bad for all of the Catholic women who are dealing with infertility; it is especially hard for us because we are (historically speaking) supposed to have large families. I often feel much less Catholic than moms who have lots of kids even though I know that this is silly. Dealing with infertility after the loss of a child is a real insult to injury and I would not wish it upon anyone. I find that very few fellow Catholics can understand us and sympathize with us and our priests, try as they may, cannot ever understand the longing to be a mother and the pain that comes from not being able to be one. For further information: Before you get a D&C, please check out: http://dandcnow.info/home.html On Ashermans Syndrome: http://www.ashermans.org/home/ On Natural Fertility Help (enzymes, castor oil packs, herbs, etc.) http://natural-fertility-info.com/ NOTE: While this site is highly informative and it does offer some quality products, I would advise people to use caution when thinking about ordering any herbal kits. Herbs are medicine and each of us has different needs and issues and taking many herbs at once rather than one herb or a few at a time that have been suggested to us (for our unique and individual needs) by a professional herbalist may either harm us or do nothing at all. For example, in some of the kits, the herbs used can produce results after a few months of use rather than a few weeks. Also, in such small quantities of many herbs, there isn't enough of any one particular herb to do much good. Furthermore, herbs such as licorice root should not be taken for extended time periods. Thus, I HIGHLY suggest finding an qualified and professional herbalist through the American Herbalist Guild or from the Naturally Healthy Site. www.americanherbalistsguild.com/ and/ or http://www.naturallyhealthy.org "Naturally Healthy" is owned by a Christian woman who is a qualified herbalist and also a Woman's Health Educator. To find a Catholic OB who understands the sanctity of life, Natural Family Planning, etc. http://onemoresoul.com/nfp-directory To find a Catholic Doctor: http://www.cathmed.org/contact/ To find a Catholic Therapist in times of need (ie. depression caused by loss or infertility): http://www.catholictherapists.com/find-a-therapist.html For information on how to be an advocate for your own health care and women's health in general: The Naturally Healthy Woman- Whole Health for the Whole Woman by Shonda Parker